I Only Want To Forget
by Dr34mer
Summary: Chihiro is neglected by her parents not abused, neglected! and thinks no one loves her. but when Haku reappears in her life, she can't remember... or WON'T remember...? RR please!
1. i'm coming

okay, Chihiro is 16, Haku is nearly 18 and coming for her. But Chihiro is neglected by her parents (not abused, neglected) and she's not sure what to do...

i hope you like this one better than "My Version Of An Ending" which was my first ever fanfic. i was just desparate to upload something!!

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**Haku stared into Chihiro's bedroom window. She lay asleep, dreaming. He sighed at her beautiful face, wondering how she seemed to look better every day. **

**Chihiro rolled endlessly. She always had the same dream, over and over again:**

_**Dark blue eyes stared into her own. So full of protection and comfort, but who did they belong to?**_

_**He reached out his hand, smiling. He wasn't talking but through his expression, Chihiro could see he was saying "I'll take care of you, I promise…"**_

**_She reached out her hand to his, but it grew further away. He was slipping. No, _she_ was slipping! "come back, help me!" she'd call. Nothing. She was lost forever…_**

**Chihiro shot up from her bed, sweat beads running down her face as she gasped.**

**Haku moved swiftly out of her sight. As much as he's like, Chihiro could not see him until he was eighteen. Luckily, he only had a day or two until he was reunited with her. To mate with her; His love.**

**Chihiro looked outside her window. She was sure there was something out there. But she could see nothing. _Just a dream, _she reminded herself. _Thank God, it's just a dream…_**

**Haku transformed into his dragon form and returned to the spirit world. He could not contain his excitement for much longer. He'd often seen how horrible Chihiro's parents were to her – especially after she had risked so much for them but did not breath a word of it to them.**

**Haku's hair had grown many times before but he would always cut it, the same way it was when he had been with Chihiro. His emerald eyes never changed. He wanted to stay the boy Chihiro fell in love with, forever.**

**Chihiro had felt so neglected over the years. To her, she was not loved. Whenever she looked into the mirror, she could not see the beautiful young girl she was… only the girl she wanted to be.**

**it was now 6.00 am and if Chihiro didn't get up now, she knew she'd be late for school. _(a/n: I'm from the UK so I don't really know how it works were Chihiro is!!) _within fifteen minutes, Chihiro had gotten dressed, brushed her short cut brown hair and washed her face and teeth. She grabbed her school stuff and headed downstairs. **

**Downstairs, Chihiro's parents were slumped on the couch as if they had not moved an inch since last night. They were watching TV like always. **

"**mom, dad! I'm going to school!" she informed them.**

"**don't let the door hit you on the way out…" was all her mother could manage, staring blankly at the screen.**

**Chihiro opened the door but felt tears burn. She stopped, closing her eyes firmly until she was sure that she was not about to cry. She had had practice over the years.**

**Before walking out, she whispered. "I'm sorry mom and dad. I'm sorry I'm not perfect…" she allowed a single tear to roll down her face.**

**School was the usual. Chihiro was in gym class. She was climbing the rope as she thought about how hard she tries to make her parents proud of her. Comparing her life to the rope challenge, she began to sweat harder, trying to reach the top.**

**Out of the corner of her eye, outside, watching her from the window. His face looked so familiar to her. But how? Noticing this, Chihiro had no idea that she had stopped climbing to stare. Who was he?**

"**Chihiro!" shouted her coach, trying to get her attention.**

**Chihiro let the rope slip out of her grip in surprise. She fell on her back onto the spongy surface. She pulled herself up, rubbing the side of her neck, but the figure that had been staring at her was suddenly gone!**

**_Weird_, she thought to herself.**

**Outside, a dragon sat on the school roof, letting the wind flow through his blue hair. _Don't worry, Chihiro. Tonight… tonight, we'll be together._**

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what did you think of the first chapter? if you didn't like it, i prom,ise the next one will spice up!!

please R+R...


	2. so many questions

i'm so gald that so many of you liked the first chapter! i'm so happy...!

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**Chihiro returned from school, absolutely exhausted. As she entered the house, she noticed her parents were not perched on the couch like usual. There lay a note on the kitchen table. Chihiro picked it up and read it, guessing what it was about:**

_**Gone on vacation for a few days, forgot to tell you. Money under the phone. Order pizza.**_

_**Mom and dad.**_

**_They couldn't even manage a 'love mom and dad'?_ she thought to herself, throwing the note in the bin.**

**Over the years, she had tried to make her parents proud of her by getting all the highest grades in the class and always cleaning the house. But nothing seemed to work.**

**She had bought an mp3 player with the left over lunch money she had saved up and uploaded music from the library. She put in the head phones and listened to her favourite song; Perfect by Simple Plan. (A/N: that's my favourite song and it fits in with the story…)**

"**_hey, dad, look at me_," she sang to herself whilst washing the dishes. "_think back and talk to me, did I grow up according to plan?_"**

**it was coming to midnight and Chihiro was still doing the stacks of dishes her pigs for parents left for her. Outside watching Chihiro was the same figure watching her in gym. But Chihiro didn't see it this time and continued. **

"**_and do you think I'm wasting my time doin' things I wonna do? But it hurts when you disapprove all along…_"**

**Haku transformed into a dragon and breathed deeply, still not willing to admit to himself that he was nervous. He was waiting for her to go up to her room. **

**Chihiro finished the dishes and began mopping the floor, getting the strangest feeling that she was being watched. She turned to the window as Haku quickly stepped back into the bushes. She decided that it was just her imagination.**

"**_and now I try hard to make it, I just wonna make you proud. I'm never gonna be good enough for you. I can't pretend that I'm alright. And you can't change me, coz we lost it all. Nothing lasts forever. I'm sorry I can't be perfect…_"**

**she carried on singing, even after she was done. She went to her room to get ready for bed. Haku's heart leapt. She was changing, and he couldn't help but stare – it's hard not being in a relationship for so long.**

**Chihiro had a really good figure, considering how little she ate. Her hair was always cut to shoulder length, the way she liked it. Her sea blue eyes had more of a shine to them, but that may be because she cried a lot more often.**

**He breathed in deeply watching her dress (and undress). _She's so beautiful_, the dragon thought to himself. He simply couldn't wait to get his hands on her.**

**He moved closer to the window, trying to get it open without Chihiro noticing. She heard a faint tap, but decided to ignore it. Then it came again as she realised it came from the window. She held her top together as she went to open it.**

**This worked well for Haku. Chihiro looked out for a while before realising it was just her imagination. She was about to close the window but before she could, Haku leapt in, streaming across the room. Chihiro screamed, leaning back-to-back with the wall, gasping.**

**The dragon stared at her for a moment before sweeping her onto his back. Chihiro screeched with her hands over her head in protection. Haku growled in happiness, he was finally with his Chihiro…**

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yippee!! chapter 2 lauched!! stay tuned for chapter 3...


	3. never loved

**The wind tickled her bare arms. _Just another dream, just another dream…_she convinced herself. _This isn't happening, it can't be happening, there are no such things as dragons!_**

**She was clinging onto Haku like a lifeline, afraid of falling. He could feel her heart pounding against his back. He streamed himself through the tunnel perfectly. It became easy not to bang against the walls after years of going through it every night.**

**Haku was heading for his room in the bath house. Chihiro still had her eyes closed and could not see what was happening. They were nearing their destination and Chihiro had such a tight grip on Haku, he was finding it difficult to breath.**

**He flew in through his window, throwing a screaming Chihiro onto his bed. the dragon was panting on top of her with only his claws/hands to hold him up. His green eyes stared down at the terrified girl he fell in love with.**

"**please," she begged, trying her best not to move. "please don't hurt me!"**

**he glared at her for a while in confusion, though his face did not show any sign of it. Why would he hurt her? Surely she knows he'd never do any such thing…? His face remained blank. Chihiro was searching for a sign of reassurance but could find nothing.**

**Haku transformed, still not showing any sign of emotion. Still in his same position, he didn't even blink. Chihiro's eyes widened at his transformation, gaping.**

"**it's you…!" she said, remembering gym class.**

**Haku stood up. _She remembers me!_ He thought happily, still not changing his expression.**

"**who are you?" she said, leaning on her arms.**

**Haku's heart sank to his feet. _What?_ **

"**Chihiro, it's me, Haku…?" his face finally showed a sign of shock and confusion (A/N: Conckusion!!). **

**Chihiro stared at him, worried. "H-how did you know my name?"**

**_Is she doing this purposely to stab me in the heart?_ He walked closer to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, making her shiver slightly. Her looked at her with soft eyes, trying to get her to feel at ease.**

"**Chihiro, we've known each other for years… remember?" his voice was a little hesitant.**

**Chihiro looked out of the window at the water that the train would run through, a faint vision dancing on her mind but quickly disappearing. She glanced at Haku, his green eyes sticking out like a sore thumb. **

"**there is nothing to remember is there?" she asked him with a hint of confusion in her voice.**

**With that, Haku grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her slightly.**

"**how can you not remember?!" he pulled her into a harsh but quick kiss and pulled away, feeling a huge desire for more.**

**Chihiro was beginning to quiver, wondering what this strange, yet somehow handsome, man was going to do to her. She could not run, she had no idea where she was, and she could not scream, her fate may be worse. "what was that for?" she asked, close to a whisper.**

**Haku threw his hands into the air, groaning and pacing in circles. "don't you get it, Chihiro? I love you!" he stopped pacing, his face frustrated.**

"**how could you love me? I don't even _know_ you!"**

"**of course you do!" he said firmly. "remember Lin, Kamajii, Boh, Zeniba, Yubaba, _NoFace_?!" her look still did not change, non of those names rang a bell. "for the love of the _gods_, Chihiro!!"**

"**what do you want from me?!" she screamed, standing up in front of him. Her emotions seemed angry. "WELL?" **

**_for the love of the gods, she's so beautiful when she's angry…_He tried hard to control himself but he couldn't. he grabbed her by the waist and began to kiss her passionately despite her weak struggles.**

**Chihiro tried to fight him off but, in a way, she was enjoying the fact that this complete stranger (whom she thought of as incredibly handsome) was kissing the heck out of her. So her shoves seemed frail against his strong arms.**

**_No, fight him! You know you can!_ The voice inside her said.**

**_I know, but I don't want to! He's _such _a good kisser! _She argued.**

_**You don't know him! He's a stranger! What would your parents say?**_

**_What would they _care_? To them, I'm just a short person that lives in the house!_**

**Haku noticed that she had stopped struggling and started cooperating. Why is she doing this? First she was afraid of him and now she was making out with him? He knew it was not normal, even for a human.**

"**Chihiro…" he breathed, painfully pulling away. "what's happened to you?"**

**Chihiro's gaze turned to her feet. "…y-you said that you… love me." She smiled to herself, it felt good to finally have those words roll off her tongue. "do you know how good that feels? To know that you're loved… this is the first time I've ever felt this happy. It's so amazing! I almost didn't believe it existed, you know. In a way, I'm glad you took me away, I kind of feel… safer wherever I am. Do you know what it's like to have that love and safety emotion all in one?" she looked up at him.**

**By now, Haku's eyes were off Chihiro and to his side. "no." he replied solemnly. "I don't know what it's like. I don't know how it feels to have someone you love not love you back. And believe me, it hurts."**

**She put a hand on his shoulder. "If you're talking about me, then what make you think tha-"**

"**YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SAID MY NAME!" he shouted, but couldn't help it, it just slipped. This made Chihiro jump.**

"**I'm sorry…" he said. "I know the pain I feel now is nothing compared to what you've felt but it is still unbearable."**

"**I _do _love you." Tears filled her eyes, overflowing. "I've missed you so much, Haku!" she whimpered.**

**Haku stared at her in confusion. "but… I thought you'd forgotten about me." **

**Chihiro collapsed to her knees with her hands over her face, crying her heart out at his feet.**

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oooooooooooooooooooooh! how did she suddenly remember? hehe! wait and see!


	4. confessions

**Chihiro cried as if her hands were sponges. Haku knelt down beside her.**

"**you remember?" he asked, flustered.**

"**I never forgot! I was afraid, okay?" she looked at him, her eyes tomato red. "I was afraid it wasn't real and I'd be waiting for you but you would never come for me. I didn't want to be heart broken… and now that you finally _have _come… I… I keep thinking this is a dream and… you'll just disappear…"**

"**don't think that. Don't _ever_ think that! I'll always be here to protect you, I will never leave you as long as I live, I promise." He pulled her in for another kiss. "I love you."**

"**no you don't!" she screamed, pushing away. "no-one loves me! I'm just a pathetic loser that has nothing better to do than dream about being whisked away by mythical creatures!"**

**she stood and walked over to the balcony, staring into thin air. "I am such an idiot."**

"**Chihiro, don't be stupid!"**

"**there! My point exactly!"**

"**you know that's not what I meant!" he wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her soft neck. "and do you think I seem mythical?" he said, caressing her curves.**

**Chihiro moaned. She didn't want this, but too weak to stop him. Instead, she passed out, melting into his arms. Haku panicked, checking for a heart beat and that she was still breathing. Once he was sure she was okay, he sighed with relief and lay her onto his bed.**

**He watched her, his eyes so full of love. He ran his fingers through her fluffy hair. He could smell her shampoo from a mile away, so sweet and relaxing. **

"**please," he whispered. "don't leave me alone again…"**


	5. friend or foe?

**.Chihiro woke up. She buried her head in the pillow, not wanting to come into the harsh reality we call life _(A/N: sorry, that was very emo!)._**

**She suddenly shot up. "Haku!" she scanned the room as fast as she could. _Please don't be a dream!_ Then she realised that it was not her room she was in. she exhaled deeply, thanking the heavens that she had not yet lost her sanity.**

**Haku was asleep, leaning on the wall beside his bed. Chihiro heard a light snore. She knew it meant that he had not slept well. Being kidnapped seemed to be the best thing that's ever happened to her. **

**She swung herself off of the bed, grabbing a pillow along with her. She laid it on the floor, then a blanket. She slid Haku onto it, knowing that he did not want to disturb her the night before. _I wonder if Kamajii hasn't turned the soot-balls back into soot yet?_**

**Chihiro arose, questions roaming her mind. _Where is Lin? How big is Boh now? Has NoFace gotten into anymore trouble?_**

**She walked out the room, being sure to shut the door as quietly as possible. She knew her smell would attract a lot of attention from the other spirits but did not pay attention as she crossed through the gardens Haku had taken her to. She remembered the stairs that she fallen painfully down. She was careful not to make the same mistake again. She pushed the door open, like she did when he was ten.**

**Kamajii was too busy with his herbs to notice anything. He rang the bell with one of his many hands as the soot balls came flooding out, all carrying a piece of coal. They all suddenly dropped the coal to jump at Chihiro's feet as a welcome.**

"**hey, get back to work you lazy soot balls!" he gasped looking back at them. "Sen!" **

**she laughed. "hi, Kamajii!" she walked over to his side, the soot balls following. "how are you?"**

"**same old, same old…" he said vaguely. "anyway, enough about me, what about y – get back to work you lazy bums!"**

**they all scurried away, afraid of their master.**

**Chihiro giggled. "I'm great now, Kamajii. I arrived last night."**

"**hang on…" his head drew nearer, glaring into her eyes. "what exactly do you mean by 'now'?"**

**Chihiro bit her lip. _Uh oh. I've said too much._ She swallowed, not wanting to give away anymore information. "I… I just mean… that here is so much better than the human world." She smiled innocently. **

**Kamajii didn't quite believe her but didn't think much of it since she seemed happy now. "well, I'm glad to hear it, Sen." He said, a hint of suspicion in his voice. He returned to grinding the herbs whilst speaking to her.**

"**so where's Lin?" she asked, curious.**

"**probably arguing with the other yunas about the big tub again. Nothing's changed about her." He sighed, regrettably. **

"**watch it, Kamajii, I could say the same thing about you." She began to walk to the little door way Lin had taken her through once. "anyway, I'm gonna go find Lin. Bye!" she waved.**

"**good luck getting out of her hugs!" he called.**

**After about five minutes, Kamajii was still crushing his herbs when he heard someone shouting his name. it was not new to him.**

"**KAMAJII!!" the voice came closer, eventually barging through the door.**

"**what is it now, Haku?" he groaned, feeling over-worked.**

**He panted furiously. "haveyouseenchihiro?!" he rushed.**

"**what?"**

"**haveyouseenchihiro?"**

"**Haku, breath!" he insisted, shaking his shoulders.**

**Haku inhaled… then exhaled. "have you seen Chihiro?" he asked understandably.**

"**ah, she left just five minutes ago."**

"**LEFT?! WHERE T-?!"**

"**relax, young dragon!" he said, laying a long finger on Haku's lips. "she left to find Lin!" he removed his finger, allowing Haku to sigh.**

"**gods, when I find her, I'm gonna…" he saw Kamajii's expectant look. "…tell her how much I love her. Bye!" he hurried away.**

**Chihiro watched Lin from the door way of the big tub. She was cursing under her breath about everyone that teased her. Chihiro quietly crept up behind her. "you missed a spot." She smiled.**

**Lin, who had her back turned threw her sponge onto the floor, rolled her sleeves up and stood, slowly turning. "listen, buddy, you say anything else to me and I'll give you a piece of my – Sen!!" she gave her a huge bear hug.**

**_Kamajii was right_, she thought to herself, trying to breath. "hello to you too…" she struggled.**

"**sorry," she said, releasing her. "oh my gods, I can't believe it's you! You've grown!"**

"**yeah, that usually happens after six years," Chihiro laughed.**

"**Chihiro!" someone called her from the doorway. "why didn't you tell me where you were going?" Haku said, approaching her.**

"**you looked so cute while you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you…" she grinned. **

**Lin broke out with laughter. "aww! How sweet!" she pinched his cheeks as if she didn't value her life. His eyes glazed over to a shade of gold, his temper looking like it was about to burst. Lin immediately stopped, wiping the smirk off of her face.**

"**Haku?" Chihiro said, worrying slightly.**

**Haku shook his head as if nothing happened. "huh?" his eyes returned to his usual emerald. **

"**are you alright?" she asked.**

**_You will never be okay…_ something whispered. "what?" **

**Lin put her hand on his forehead. "his temperature is fine."**

"**I-I'm okay." He grabbed Chihiro by the wrist, dragging her away.**

"**I'll see you later, Sen!" **

**Haku was taking Chihiro into the starlit gardens, keeping her in a tight grip. **

**Chihiro moaned. "OW! Haku, you're hurting me!" she tried to slide his hand off but his grasp was firm. "Haku! Let go!" this made him hold on tighter.**

**He suddenly stopped to face her, causing Chihiro to bump into him. **

"**what's wrong wit-" she was cut off by Haku's lips kissing furiously. He pulled back for breath.**

**Chihiro gasped. His eyes had formed into a golden colour once more. But this time more raw and hungry. **

"**Haku, please." She begged, trying to back away but tripping. **

**Haku leant down on top of her, growling as if to say 'cooperate with me or else!'**

"**what's happened to you? You're not the Haku I once knew…" her eyes filled with tears.**

**Haku watched her for a moment. Just for a second, Chihiro thought she saw a flash of green in his eyes. He held his hands to his head, his eyes shut tight. He was shouting like he was in pain. "LEAVE HER ALONE!!" he bellowed to nowhere. It was like he was battling himself.**

**Chihiro watched, unsure of what to do. "Haku?" he immediately stopped, not facing her.**

**He pounced on top of her, his dragon teeth shining. His harsh kisses were frightening, Chihiro found herself unable to shift away. He had lost the battle…**


	6. evil inside

Oh dear! What's Haku doing?! Let's see…

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**Chihiro managed to get her hand free. She struck it across Haku's pale face. He had torn off practically all of her clothes so she was lying under him in the nude. Haku's head turned back to her. No longer golden, his eyes filled with confusion.**

"**Chihiro?" he panted, noticing that both their clothes were scattered around them. "w… what happened?"**

**Chihiro's eyes widened at his comment. She smacked him once more, and kicked him in the groin so he would roll off. She grabbed her top and held it tightly to her chest. **

"**what was that for?" he said, hunched over.**

"**are you some sort of idiot?!" she screamed. With her back turned to him as she put her top back on. "how dare you drag me all the way here for your own pleasures and have the _cheek_ to claim that you have no idea what's going on?!"**

**Haku, who was hurt/confused, went to lay a hand on her soft cheek. Chihiro swatted it away. "don't touch me!" **

"**Chihiro, I swear, I don't know what happened but whatever it was, I'm sorry!" **

**Chihiro didn't want to believe him. She never really ever wanted to trust anyone in her life but wasn't sure it that would change for the man she loved. _But do I still love him?_ She asked herself.**

"**Haku… I accept your apology…" she began. "…but I want my own room… I don't know if I can trust you."**

**Though Haku was confused, he did not argue. But why doesn't she trust him? What did he do? He forced himself to nod to her request. "anything. Anything you want is yours."**

**_Jekyll and Hyde or what? What is it with this guy?_ Chihiro stood to go back to the bath house. **

"**wait. I'll give you a ride if you-"**

"**no thank you," she stated, firmly.**

**Chihiro sat with Lin in her room. Lin began to notice that Chihiro was being unusually quiet. **

"**what's up, Sen?" she asked, polishing off her fifth bowl of ice-cream. **

**Chihiro didn't answer. She too lost in her own thoughts about her and Haku. **

"**Sen?" she waved a hand in her face. "SEN!" she screeched, moving to her ear.**

"**OW! I'm not deaf Lin! But carry on like that and I may be!" she huffed, rubbing the side of her ear. **

**Lin laughed slightly. "what's up?"**

**Chihiro was still daydreaming but regained consciousness of reality quickly – which is kind of weird because she's in a mythical world but who's keeping track?**

"**hmm? Oh, nothing. I was just thinking." She took another scoop of her untouched ice-cream.**

"**it's about Haku isn't it?" Lin sighed.**

**Chihiro sighed too. "am I that obvious?" Lin's expression screamed yes. "it's just that… well… I'm not sure if I can trust Haku anymore."**

"**take my advice, squirt, never trust a guy. They almost always turned out to be something else. And I say almost because the few guys you can trust are in fairytales." She slopped another two or three hundred scoops of ice-cream into her bowl. (A/N: remember those wise words of advice).**

**This depressed Chihiro even more. She loves him. But he _did_ change, a lot. She hated to admit it, but it was true. **

**Haku was in his room, cursing himself for whatever it was he did.**

"**leave me alone," he whispered. "and most importantly, leave Chihiro alone."**

_**Never…**_

**He gasped. "who are you?"**

_**I'm you…**_

"**no you're not! I would never–" **

**_hurt Chihiro. I know. But that's _you_, I'm another side of you. I do what I like, when I like…_**

"**well not to Chihiro you won't!"**

_**I already have! And you don't even remember! How do you expect to protect her? You can't even protect yourself with me here. Or are you just going mad? **_

"**I am not going mad!"**

**_how can you be so sure? Next thing you know, you'll be hunched in a little back in the corner, rocking back and forth. I mean, you _are_ talking to yourself and you're in denial? Now, Haku, does that sound sane to you?_**

**Haku was not about to reveal how true it all was. The voice even sounded like him. Suddenly, something flashed back to him. Chihiro was struggling, fear plastered across her innocent face. He tried to protect her, fight against himself, but it was too strong for him. **

"**you…" he growled. "why are you doing this to Chihiro?"**

**_why am _I _doing this to Chihiro? Why are you asking me? I am basically just doing what you don't have the guts to. But the thing is, I only let you to control your body because there was nothing interesting to do. But now that Chihiro is here, I have no need for you anymore…!_**

**There was a prang of pain in Haku's chest as he prevented him from taking over. He held his chest tight as if holding him from spreading. "NO! I _wont _let you hurt Chihiro!"**

_**Why not? It'll be fun!**_

"**NO!" he transformed into his dragon form, flying out of his window. In the air, he was whipping his tail against himself, letting the blood pour out. He was hoping to pass out but had no such luck.**

_**You can't knock yourself out, I control the part of you that stays conscious! How else do you think you don't remember anything?**_

"**I can try!" **

**he found himself flying higher and higher and, without realizing it, he was in sight of Lin's room where they had been chatting about relationships. **

**He was roaring in pain but refused to stop.**

**Chihiro gasped. "Haku!" she ran to the window, terrified. "what are you doing?!"**

**Haku heard this and stopped for a few seconds. Then a second prang of pain shot him by surprise. "ARGH!" **

"**HAKU!" she screamed.**

**Lin ran to her side. "what's he doing?" she screamed.**

**Haku had an idea. He stopped slashing himself and flew down to the boiler room.**

"**Sen, what's going on?" but as she turned to Chihiro, she realized that she was already half way down the Kamajii's. "Sen! Wait up!"**

**Haku crashed behind Kamajii's stand, frightening the soot balls back into their holes.**

"**haven't you ever heard of _knocking_?!" he turned to see Haku struggle. "Haku?" he got up, using his many long arms to travel over.**

**It seemed hard for Haku to breath. He was gasping after howls of agony. He transformed back to normal.**

**Chihiro burst through the door, Lin following shortly after. "Haku, what happened?" she knelt beside him, about to lay her hands on his hunched back.**

"**no…stay back… too… dangerous…" he said in between grunts. "evil… inside…!" **


	7. slumber of the ghosts

Yo, people! Just to give you all a heads up, this chapter is based on my knowledge of Latin. I love Latin class!! And I love all my wonderful readers and reviewers!!

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"**evil?" she said, flustered. "what kind if evil?" **

"**stay… back! I need… to do… something…!" he took one last yelp before holding his hands together.**

"**Kamajii, what's he doing?!"**

**Kamajii remained silent. He stood watching Haku mutter his words that only they knew. All that Chihiro and Lin could do was stare at him.**

"**_nos sunt ad dormivit... Tantum postquam… discedit hanc umbrem, ego… sum…postremo…liberavit_… AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH!!!" he gave a look of sorrow, breathing heavily but no longer struggling. "Chihiro… I'm so sorry…" Haku's vision became blurry as his eyes drifted to a close. He limply fell to the floor but Chihiro stopped his head from hitting.**

"**Haku!!" she screeched. "Kamajii! What did he do?!"**

**Lin sighed as if nothing was wrong. "haven't you ever heard of an incantation, Sen?" she sat beside her, helping Haku onto a nearby pillow. "don't worry, he's not dead yet."**

"**WHAT?!"**

"**joke!" she said quickly, holding her hands up.**

"**_Lin_! _Haku is probably on his way to death and all you can do is joke about it_?" she hissed.**

**All that time and Kamajii stood with his hand on his mouth, thinking. Chihiro's eyes were turning crimson. Her lip began to quiver. She stroked the hair away from his face. "don't go…" she whispered into his ear.**

"**don't worry, Sen, he's not going to die." She said, plainly.**

**Chihiro lit up at him. **

"**just sleeping. The incantation was… odd. I'm not sure what he means by it but I can translate."**

**Chihiro lowered her head to kiss his cheek. She mentally told him her love no matter what but then couldn't help but wonder.**

"**what did he say, exactly?"**

**Kamajii looked up at the ceiling to try and remember. The soot balls gathered around Chihiro and Haku. "he said: 'we shall sleep. Only when this ghost goes away, I will finally be set free'. I'm not sure what the 'ghost' is or what he means by 'finally set free' but I know he was protecting you, Sen."**

**Protect her? Just before it didn't seem like it, but now… maybe… but how…? Endless thoughts ran through her mind. But one stuck out amongst the rest. How long?**

"**that BAKA!" something cried out.**


	8. forgotten memories

"**Haku?" Chihiro said, hopefully. **

**Haku didn't even twitch. He remained in his position, but the voice carried on. It sounded very much like Haku, but it couldn't have been.**

**Not in his mind, though. It was dark, cold and almost empty. _Where are you?_ There came a devilish laugh, he turned but saw nothing. All there was there were images, randomly floating about everywhere. **

"**show yourself, you coward!" **

"**_talking to yourself again? When will you learn…?_"**

**Haku looked up at a few of the pictures. He could see all of his memories, dreams, nightmares. **

"**_you cannot beat me. You said it. You will only awaken when I leave. I'm not planning on going that quick…_"**

**a silhouette approached Haku, looking a lot more like his own shadow. Dark hair, pale face… but golden eyes? **

"**what do you want?" he snapped.**

"**_I merely wanted your Chihiro. But now that you've put us both to sleep, I guess torturing you is the next best thing!_"**

**Haku snarled. "we'll just see about that!" he made an attempt to transform but got nothing. He tried again… nothing?**

**The Ghost Haku cackled in his twisted way. "_transforming is a physical thing. Not a mental thing. You can't morph in here…_"**

**Haku's blood boiled, his hands curled into a fist. All he could do was fight him the 'old fashioned' way. He darted towards him, swinging his clenched fingers. The Ghost Haku disappeared into mist as the punch came to hit him. Haku stood, confused.**

"**who _are _you?" he said, panting.**

**He smiled wryly. "_so you still don't believe that I'm you, huh?_"**

"**don't count on it," he spat. **

"**_fine. But first, I want you to remember something. Turn your attention to the memory over in the corner, where you tried to forget._" He led Haku over. **

**It was one of his earliest memories. His mother stood over his cradle, smiling at her two-day-old son. He got his glorious eyes from her, and his hair from his father.**

**His mother picked him up, cradling him closely with love. The joy in her face was unexplainable. Haku's father kissed him on the forehead lightly. **

**Then he caught a glimpse of his father's eyes, glazing gold. He looked completely different, anger consuming him. He grabbed Haku, without much care.**

"**what are you doing? Be careful with our child!" she said, worriedly. **

**His father dumped him in the bed and turned to his mate. Haku cried. He could not see what was going on, but he knew that he was hurting his mother. He couldn't do anything but scream in hope that someone would come. **

"**quiet!" he commanded. "it's you or the child!"**

"**no! leave us!"**

**Haku cried harder.**

"**enough!!" he held his hands to his ears tightly. "why are you showing me this, Katsu?!"**

"**_ah, so you remember me_?" he cackled.**

**Haku clenched his fists. "how could I forget the man who caused my parent's death?"**

"**_your father killed himself, as you know. He wanted to escape me, and hw knew that the only way was to kill himself whilst I was inside of him. Fortunately, I went to you as a young boy before he stabbed himself._"**

"**so you left him to die. You disgust me…!" he had an urge to punch his face off but knew it would not help. **

"**_remember your mother_?" he smirked.**

**Haku remained silent. He never really knew what happened to his mother. He never saw her again since the age of five where he found himself by the bath house. **

"**_no, of course you don't_! _that's because I made you run away. She spent the rest of her miserable life looking for you, but never did find you. And now she's dead. The way she belongs_!"**

"**STOP!" **

"**_and now I'm going to do the same to your precious Chihiro_!"**

"**you will not lay a finger on her! Thanks to you she doesn't trust me, and probably never will!"**

**The golden eyed Haku laughed. It seemed that he found pleasure in tormenting innocent people.**

"**_I don't understand you, Haku. You love Chihiro, you want her to be yours. And yet, you do not want to make the first move._"**

"**I am only protecting her. She does not want this so I will not force her."**

"**_because you are a coward. You cannot grow a flower without planting the seed_," **

"**_what_ did you call me?" he hissed. "you are the coward. You are the one unable to admit defeat-"**

"**_defeat_?_ I am undefeated. Even my name means 'victory', Haku._"**

"**Katsu, you cannot live without another's body. You have no real power…!"**

"**_I have all the power I need_!"**

"**without me, you would be nothing!" Haku provoked. **

"**_SILENCE_!" he flew at Haku, but ended up flying straight through him.**

**This time, it was Haku that laughed. He enjoyed annoying him…**

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by the way, does anyone want to try and guess how old i am? i know it's sad but it's just something new to read in the reviews.

you people aren't the only ones having trouble with the e-mailing system. i didn't get any reviews for ages and it sucked... i felt so unloved :'( sniffles ...

is there anything you people think i should improved on? i keep thinking this story's starting to lose it's edge...

Thanks For Reading!!


	9. Haku and the past

You people are so close to guessing right! (I got banned from using the computer on weekdays by my parents so I can't update as often.. Note the cruel and unusual punishment…)

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"that BAKA!" something cried out.

Lin gasped. "is he awake?" they all huddled around Haku, awaiting for a second response but there came none.

Kamajii was looking directly at him as if he had just robbed a bank. "Sen," he began. "did Haku say or do anything to you?"

Chihiro bowed her head, unsure if she should tell him. Goosebumps crept up on her arms as she swallowed hard. "yes…" she croaked.

"what was it?" he leant in closer, making her feel terribly uncomfortable.

"he was… acting strangely…"

"how?"

she turned her head to her side. This was not going to be easy at all. "he dragged me away to the gardens," she sighed. "there he was… overpowered, I guess, by… passion… that's where he did his Jekyll and Hyde act, claiming he had no idea what was going on."

Kamajii hummed more, lost in thought. "I think you need to talk to Zeniba, Sen," he suggested. "she knows a great deal about Haku's past."

"I can't! I can't leave Haku like this!"

"calm down!" he urged, wondering why everyone was acting like this today. "Lin, you go contact Zeniba. Tell her she's needed urgently."

She sighed. "nag, nag, nag, work, work, work… I should ask for a raise…!" she stomped off through the little door way.

"good luck…" he muttered sarcastically, climbing back onto his stand. He rang the bell at the soot balls, fussing about how little they do. After they had been called back, a few gathered around the sleeping Haku. Some jumping on his firm chest, wondering if he would awaken. Chihiro weakly smiled at them, fighting her tears. How did they ever get to be so carefree? Probably because they're soot. No mother or father to worry about, just a master to wait on.

She sighed. Don't they feel fear, or sadness? Joy, love? _If only I could be one of them_, she thought.

"you don't know how lucky you guys are…" Chihiro whispered to them, hoping Kamajii's hearing was as old as he. They all seemed to stare at each other as if to say 'is she mad?'. "I mean, you have no problems. You have nothing to fear. And you always have someone beside you."

Within about fifteen minutes, Lin returned. It seemed she was taking her time. "Zeniba said she'd be here soon." With that, Zeniba appeared in a twister of purple smoke.

"thank you for the introduction," she smiled, looking over at Chihiro and Haku. "tell me, Sen, how has Haku changed since your last visit? Lin has told me all I need to know but I just want to be sure my theory is correct."

Chihiro found her voice. "well, when I was ten, I remember Haku being more… loving and kind. Now… now he seems to _want_ to protect me but failing in a battle against himself…"

Zeniba made the same face Kamajii did earlier and hummed the same way too. _Must be a spirit thing_, Chihiro thought. Zeniba had reached her verdict. "if I'm not mistaken, I'd say it's Katsu," she suggested.

Chihiro stared at her in confusion. Who? "what on _earth_ are you talking about? Who is this Katsu? What has he done with my Haku? Has he harmed him?" she fired her questions like a gun. The witch looked at her in sympathy, then to Lin and Kamajii.

She hesitated slightly. "well… I don't think I should be the one to tell you this… Haku would rather tell you himself."

"but he _can't_! can you see he's unconscious?!" she yelled in frustration. "I need to know this _now_!"

Zeniba paused for a while, unsure what to do. "alright…" she inhaled deeply. "… before Haku was born, his father, Isamu, was possessed by an evil spirit called Katsu. Isamu was married to a beautiful young maiden named Masami. She did not know about Katsu, so it was a real big surprise when she found herself baring Isamu's child.

"then, after Haku's birth, Katsu struck again. This time more vicious than ever before. Sadly, Masami could not take it anymore and… well… it was suicide. Isamu tried to protect his now four-year-old son but that proved difficult with Katsu around, so he had no choice but to leave Haku at the Kohaku river. But Isamu found that the only way to vanquish Katsu was to vanquish himself. Katsu was clever. He did not stay any longer but Isamu didn't know that."

Chihiro wanted to cry for Haku's sake. Why hadn't he told her this himself? Was it too painful? Was he trying to forget and move on?

"luckily, Haku already knew how to fend for himself. He stayed at the Kohaku river until the apartments were built over it. That's how he got to the bath house. But now I fear Katsu has weaselled his way into him too…"

Chihiro swallowed. The soot balls stared up at her, waiting for a reaction. "… h… how do we get rid of him?"

"we can't." she said solemnly. Chihiro glanced at Haku in sorrow. "but Haku can."

"what? How? Can he get rid of him now? Why isn't he?" she started up again.

Zeniba lay a finger on Chihiro's lips, she soon hushed. "revenge…" she explained simply.

Chihiro released a single tear. She lowered herself to Haku's level and softly kissed his cheek, sighing. "why can't you just let go…?" she whispered.


	10. Chihiro's condition

BTW, it's not that he needs revenge to get rid of Katsu, it's just that he won't get rid of him until he _gets_ revenge for what happened to his parents. Sigh, poor Haku…

I need help on this one: should I end this fanfic with a sad or happy ending?

Happy – the typical sort where they all live happily ever after… _boring_!

Sad – comes with a sequel and, for a limited time only, a HUGE surprise!

So what's it gonna be?

Thank you to all my readers and reviewers, you make my life worth living…(sad, I know… but what do you expect from a goth?)

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Ghost Haku's blood was boiling now. Haku continued to provoke him as much as he could.

"now who's the weakling?" he laughed.

Ghost Haku's face coiled with anger, but that soon faded as he realised that this was exactly what Haku wanted. He stood up straight and looked dignified. "_don't degrade me_." He said, coldly.

Haku made his twisted smile. The fact that he'd found his weakness satisfied him very much. "what's the matter? Are you afraid to lose, Katsu?"

"_I fear nothing_! _you hear me_?_ Nothing!_ _Besides, what good is it to you? I know you only want revenge against me, but how will you get it in here_?" he cackled.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Chihiro sat stroking her lover's hair. If only she could reach him, tell him to let it all go. But she knew how Haku worked, all or nothing.

"Sen," Kamajii sighed. "there is nothing you can do, Haku is as stubborn as a mule!"

"but I can't give up on him!" she insisted, even though she knew he was probably right. Haku _is_ stubborn. But he does know his limitations… hopefully. "Zeniba, is there anyway I could contact him?"

Zeniba knew there was, but she didn't think she should tell Chihiro. It'd be much too dangerous for the child. So all she did was look down to the ground in hope that she wasn't actually thinking of using it.

"Zeniba!" she whined. "tell me!" she demanded, her eyes full of frustration and anger.

"young one, I really do not think…" she paused suddenly, her gaze narrowing curiously at Chihiro. "… are you alright?"

Chihiro began panting. _no… not know…_ she prayed. The room began to spin, her head felt as though it was burning up. _Please…_ she struggled to remain conscious, but eventually failed.

"Sen?!" they all shouted in unison, as she melted over Haku's chest.

"Lin!" Zeniba called. "quick, get her to the Human World!" she urged.

"I can't! I'm not allowed to leave, I'm under contract!" Lin argued.

"just go! I'll take care of my sister. Take Sen!"

Lin wasted no time, taking Chihiro's arm and placing it over her shoulder, then running off as fast as she could.

Zeniba wave her hand in front of her face, a crystal clear sphere appearing before her. Just as soon as the ball appeared, so did an identical face, almost like a talking reflection. "this had better be important!" the reflection snapped.

"Yubaba, I have sent Lin to the Human World with-"

"what?! How dare you?! She is _mine _to command, you have no right to-"

"I had to!" Zeniba screamed. "Sen is terribly ill and I know that only human medicine can cure her!"

"liar!" Yubaba spat.

Kamajii stepped in view of the crystal globe. "it's true! Sen just fainted before us, we couldn't leave her there to die!"

"_Sen_," she hissed. "I sensed that good-for-nothing twit was here," she grunted and continued. "… alright. But Lin better be back or I hold you two responsible." The image disappeared as well as the ball.

"what can we do now?" the boiler man asked, turning his attention to the witch.

Zeniba went to face a sleeping Haku. "there's nothing we can do but wait."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Haku's face coiled in anger at Katsu. Katsu's was the same. Both trapped deeply in their frustration. Suddenly, Katsu's eyebrows shot up in surprised. "oh!" the corner of his mouth raised in a sinister way. "what's that I sense?"

Haku threw a quizzical look his way. He shook his head, thinking it was another trick. "stop toying with me, you rat!"

Katsu taunted once more. "it seems your little beloved is in a critical condition… and being rushed to the Human World."

"no! you're lying!" but Haku knew he wasn't. he could vaguely sense it too, getting a stronger feeling of fear in the air. _Chihiro… please be okay…_

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Lin staggered through the gates, knowing Yubaba would somehow have her head if she did not return. Suddenly, she realised she had no idea where anything was! Her only hope was to wander around until she found someone to ask for directions.

After about half an hour, Lin managed to find her way to what looked like a city. "help!" she started yelling in hope that someone would stop. "someone please, help!"

A vehicle stopped in front of them both. "need any help, ladies?" he asked, only just noticing that one of them was practically a vegetable. "I mean, er, lady?"

"oh thank goodness!" she sighed. "quick, where's the nearest hospital?"

"er…" he hesitated. "it's about a mile from here. Need a ride? On the house?"

Lin had no idea what 'on the house' was supposed to mean but was sure it meant 'free'. She opened the back door and grunted as she dragged Chihiro in. "man, for such a skinny thing, you sure do weigh a ton!" Lin moaned.

She got in beside her friend as the 'taxi', as the driver called it, drove off. He seemed native. Darkish tone, but firm features. His face was full of concentration as he dodged the other cars.

Lin was terrified out her life. She had never been in anything that goes so fast before. She had to hold her friend tightly to ensure her safety.

They arrived at the hospital and the guy helped Lin carry Chihiro inside, aware that one or five police cars were following their trail. Lin rushed over to the reception, leaving the sixteen-year-old with the taxi driver.

"I need help," she panted. "my friend just fainted!"

"what is your friend's name, ma'am?"

Lin paused, remembering what Haku calls her. "… Chihiro."

She heard a few taps on the keyboard and then a quick "oh!" to follow. "we need to get the patient in a room as fast as possible!"

Within less than a minute, medical staff came hurrying through what seemed to be 'floppy' doors, as Lin thought of them. The receptionist ran past Lin clutching a clipboard to her chest. She grabbed her shoulder. "what's wrong with her?" she demanded.

The woman stopped and sighed heavily. "I'm afraid to say…"

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I am so evil! Don't worry people, I won't keep you waiting… much.

Anyway, please (if you can) review about how old you think I am, how you want the fic to end, and what you thought of the chapter… (bows with one hand behind my back) I thank you…


	11. Katsu and anger management

I'm a devil in disguise… hehe

why is it that I seem to be all preppy when I'm writing? No offence to any preps out there! Anyway…

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Lin sat in the waiting room nervously with the driver. Her face had paled over after hearing about Chihiro's condition.

"I'm Naoki, by the way," he greeted Lin, holding a hand out to her.

She remained staring at the doors Chihiro had been taken through, not noticing Naoki's gesture.

He waited a little longer. "… and you are…?" he finally said.

"huh?" a confused Lin replied. "oh, Lin. I'm Lin. Sorry, I'm just a little worried."

He took his hand away and looked at her a moment longer, wondering. "you're not from around here are you?" he asked. "where are you from?"

Lin hesitated slightly. _The Spirit World!_ The hell of a lot that'll do. _Out of town!_ No, never works. "it's not local, you wouldn't know it." She turned to face him. She'd only just realized how good looking he was; nice toned body, dark eyes, dark hair. _Nah!_ She thought.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Haku fell to his knees, thinking of his beloved. Emotional pain took over as a tear fought it's way out. How could this happen? First she gets assaulted by Katsu, now she is being rushed to a hospital? Why her? **(A/N: coz that's how the author wants it!)**

Haku now had to make a choice; forget revenge and get rid of Katsu, or have revenge and risk never seeing Chihiro ever again.

"life's tough," Katsu snickered. " I guess you'll just have to deal with it, won't you?"

Haku's head raised up at him coldly. The hate glistened in his eyes, glazing over the tiniest bits of happiness he had ever had in his life. And, boy, if looks could kill!

He started. "I will." Haku stood up straight.

Katsu waited, puzzled. Haku raised his right palm to him. "tu est servus…"

Katsu began to yell. "what are you doing? stop it. Stop it this instant!"

But he didn't dare stop, so Katsu swung a fist in his direction. Haku evaporated and returned as Katsu ran through. He turned to face him. "ego sum liberavit…!" his lips twisted into a wry grin as his hand lowered.

"what are you smiling at?!" Katsu demanded.

Haku's smile grew more. Katsu glared at him a little longer before looking down at himself. His legs were slowly disappearing out of sight, being banished from Haku's mind. He held his hands up in view, but there was no view… they were vanishing before his very eyes. They were so full of fear and worry it almost made Haku feel sorry for the rat. "no…" he breathed. "this can't be…!"

"oh, but it is… you killed my childhood, I kill you." Haku crossed his arms, laughing.

With what he could, Katsu managed what he hoped were not to be the last thing he ever says. "mark my words, Haku," he gasped. "I _will _be back. And I _will _have my vengeance!"

_So I did get my revenge, after all. He can't live without another's body and soul to feed upon! And it would be difficult for him to weasel himself into someone else. Of course! He had managed to get into my father and only got into me because we're family!_

The last of Katsu had disintegrated into oblivion. Haku was left alone again. But he did not want to awaken yet, there was something he had to see first…

_Isamu ran staggering towards the Kohaku River clutching his son to his chest tightly. He got there and set the infant down to sit on a small rock by the water. _

"_father, where are we?" the boy asked, lost in a mist of confusion. "I want to go home!" said the cutest little voice ever._

"_son, listen to me," his father began, grunting as sweat beads dripping for his head. "I have to leave you here. You cannot follow me, you cannot go in search of me." He grabbed him gently by the shoulders. "do you understand?"_

"_why? Why do you have to go? Why do you have to leave me?" he tried his best no to cry but his voice quivered. "I love you, father!"_

_Isamu snatched his boy into a hug, holding back emotion. Suddenly, a huge prang of pain shot through out his body, causing him to throw himself back, holding his chest in agony. "Son," he managed. "I want you to change your name, find a new home…" he held a gasp of distress. "and I want you to say goodbye to me-"_

"_no!" the boy screamed._

"_just do it, damn you!" he shouted, feeling guilty about frightening his son. He sighed. "I just don't want you to get hurt…"_

_tears streamed down the child's cheeks. "I don't want to say goodbye. Then I'll never see you again!" he sobbed into his father's shoulder. "just like I never saw mother again!"_

_Isamu held his child at arms length, staring at him firmly. "son, you know I would never leave you if I had the choice, but I don't. I must leave to protect you…"_

"_will you come back for me?"_

_he hesitated. "I... I'll do my best…" he assured, knowing how much his lie would hurt his son as he grew. But it is better to tell a lie that can set a smile, than to shatter dreams with the truth._

"_promise?" the boy said, hopefully._

"_promise." They ended with an embrace._

"_don't worry, father," the child began. "I can take care of myself!"_

how sweet_, came a mocking voice from Isamu's head which was not his own. Isamu fell to the floor, his head locked in his arms screaming…_

Haku fought the tears that had burned to come out fro the past fourteen long years. He decided he would not torture himself any longer with his memories and awakened…

Kamajii and Zeniba watched and waited for the sleeping Haku. His emerald eyes fluttered open, searching around him.

"Haku!" the two oldies exclaimed rushing toward him.

Haku rubbed his head, grunting. "where's Chihiro?" he rasped. "is she alright?"

"she'll be fine, Lin has taken her to a human hospital-"

"NO!" he yelled, rising to his feet and rushing out.

Kamajii and Zeniba called after him but Haku would not listen. he just ran… well, flew after he'd gathered enough speed but you get the picture. He had to see his loved one, he had to make sure she was alright…

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yes, I know… we still don't know what's wrong with Chihiro but that I promise will be in the next chapter.

Hurry, small people, I need to know: typical happy ending (which will make this story a few chapters longer or an exciting sad ending (which comes with a really good sequel and I'm itching to write!!)

Please say you want the sad ending! (partly because I haven't thought up a happy ending you… c'est la vie! – which is French for 'oh well!'

Read and review please… I'm almost done with this story!


	12. heartaches

Please don't hate me for doing this to Chihiro!

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Haku transformed to his normal state as soon as he landed in human territory. He sometimes explored this world many times after his visits to see Chihiro so he knew pretty much where everything was.

He ran to the hospital, not caring that he was too out of breath to even talk but still succeeded in asking of his lover's whereabouts. Haku found Lin in the waiting room but did not bother to speak to her. She only noticed him because people were saying there was a lunatic running around. She tried to follow but got herself lost within the first five seconds.

Haku got many complaints from patients, doctors and nurses as he pushed past them in the hallway but he took no notice. All he wanted was to see Chihiro. He approached her room and peered through the door's window, gasping in shock…

Chihiro had been hooked up with wires on her face, chest and arms. Her breathing was delicate as if she could shatter as soon she inhaled too deeply. Her entire face was pale, apart from two dark circles silhouetting her eyes. She looked like she was sleeping but he would wait for the stars to come crashing down before he left.

Haku entered quietly, trying not to disturb Chihiro. He sat beside her bed and watched her sleep. In fact, he was so quiet he could actually hear her feeble heart beating slowly. Haku counted every single one, checking and double checking that everything was in working order.

He sighed. "rest well, my love…" he planted a soft kiss on her forehead, feeling her temperature burning.

Chihiro groaned and turned her head towards him, opening her eyes slightly. "Haku?" she tried to lift her head but gasped in pain in result of the sudden movement.

"Chihiro, lie down!" he ordered, gently pushing her shoulders back against the pillow.

She smiled, laying a hand on his and taking it away from her shoulder. "I'm glad to see you're alright. How long have you been her?" she asked, her voice slightly hoarse.

"not long enough, dearest." He said, hating himself for not coming sooner. **(A/N: sniffle… why can't we find a guy like that in reality? Man, I hate reality – hence the pen name 'dr34mer'. So I'm gonna carry on with my dream world…)** "I came as soon as I had gotten rid of Katsu. I sensed there was something wrong… will you be okay?"

Chihiro opened her mouth but closed it again when she realised that there was nothing she could say to reassure him. She turned her head away.

"Chihiro, what is it?"

Chihiro remained silent, allowing a tear to escape.

"Chihiro!" he demanded. "I need to know what-"

"I have leukaemia!" she sobbed. "… I… I found out last year. I didn't bother telling my parents because I knew they would not care. I didn't cry all those nights just because of them… I cried because I didn't want to die without seeing you again… I love you so much."

Droplets formed in Haku's eyes. He struggled to remain strong for Chihiro's sake, but he couldn't hold it. He dropped his head down beside Chihiro and let the bed soak up his tears. "no… no… you can't die… I need you!" his hands gripped the blanket as if he were trying to take out his anger on it. "it's not fair… Chihiro, I love you!"

Chihiro ran a hand through his dark hair. "they're treating me with chemotherapy. There's a chance I'll survive it but it's not certain."

Haku grabbed her hand and held it tightly. "anything… absolutely anything you want, I'll get it for you. Anything you ask of me is yours…" he refrained his sobs desperately. "just stay with me as long as you can manage… that is all I ask of you, my love…"

She wept, though she knew she had to preserve her energy. "Haku… all I want is for you to stop worrying about me. To stop beating yourself up about it… I'll be okay…" she said, a hint of uncertainty in her.

Haku inhaled roughly. "I just can't let you leave me again…!"

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Villainous, I know!

I can't continue until i'm sure what kind of ending you people want...

my age will be revealed to all at the end of the story - damn, you people are so close (well the ones that have guessed, anyway)

I thank you...


	13. lost and found

I aint that cruel! Why the hell would I kill Chihiro? What kind of sequel would work for that? Rhetorical…

I don't know what it is with me, give me a really random word and I can make a story out of it. Example:

Cheese: a cheese from France is feeling lonely because everyone complains of his smell, so travels to America where he finds his best friend… Nachos!

Lol… I'm rambling again… anyway… no wait. I want you all to challenge me by giving me a random word. The most random, I will make my second SA fanfic of – not the sequel, that is!

Sorry it took so long, people, I actually finished it really quick but it wouldn't let me upload! It's the ending that I want! Thank you for reading and reviewing! And I seriously need to get a life…

And alright, for those of you that wanted a happy ending, I'll ease it up by putting a little extra in.

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Haku stayed by Chihiro for ages, holding her hand tightly as if he could pass his energy through to her. She had told him to leave many times but being his stubborn self, Haku refused.

"I won't leave you for a second!" he stated, making sure she got the picture this time.

Chihiro sighed as softly as she could, sparing herself the pain. "why do you insist on this?"

"because I love-"

"not that excuse again – ah!" her frustration was beginning to hurt. Haku jerked to her aid but Chihiro waved him away. "Haku, I know that's not the only thing. I keep getting the impression that this has happened to you before… was there someone before me?"

"no, never!" he said quickly, beating the girl's imagination. "no, you're the only one for me… the reason I'm being so protective is… well… my mother died before I got a chance to really appreciate her properly. I never said goodbye."

She just remembered what Zeniba had told her. But it never occurred to her that it was still affecting Haku this bad. "oh. Yeah. Zeniba told me… I hope that's okay with you?"

The spirit smiled at her weakly. "so I expect you know about Katsu now."

Chihiro's face drained of all emotion. "I'm sorry about hitting you earlier, Haku. I guess I was just scared, that's all."

"don't worry about it. At least you got away from him… I mean, me… us? At least you didn't commit suicide. I don't know what I would do without you. You see, now I have the chance to tell you how I feel, I didn't have that with my mother. I didn't even say goodbye…" this time he controlled the water works and felt he needed a kiss. He scooped Chihiro's head in one hand and pulled forward gently so she wouldn't be hurt.

Chihiro enjoyed the momentary feeling of his oh-so perfect lips against hers. Until it hit her that she needed to breath that is. She pushed him away, but Haku wasn't hurt. He knew it was hard for her like this.

"I'm sorry…" he started.

"lovebirds!" Lin cried from the doorway, grabbing their attention. "don't you know that kissing exchanges germs?" she walked in knowing how steamed up Haku would be for her interrupting the moment.

"don't you know that parasites are frowned upon in hospitals?" Haku shot back, glaring a hole through her.

Chihiro masked her grins at the two's hate for each other. "break it up you two. What is it, Lin?"

"apparently, visiting hours are over, as the receptionist told me," she explained.

"no! I _won't_ leave Chihiro!" Haku yelled, standing firmly.

Lin held her hands up shrugging and turning on her heel to walk away. "fine. I haven't got a problem with that… it's just the staff that do."

She showed herself out as Haku relaxed, taking his seat. He went back to kiss Chihiro, who was prepared for a longer lock. It was about thirty seconds later until there was a knock at the door.

Haku broke off and sighed in frustration. "Lin, this is neither the time or place to bother me if you wish to carry on living," he said, still facing Chihiro. He was about to close in when the door creaked open slightly. "Lin, what did I just-"

"Taro?" a feminine voice said.

Haku stopped for a moment. Who was Taro? And why did the name sound so familiar? It couldn't be… but then, could it? He turned to face a woman that looked like she was in her early forties. Quite pretty, but not as pretty as Chihiro, he thought.

Chihiro weakly glanced over at the visitor. She wondered who she was for a moment; emerald eyes, much like Haku's, and brown hair, just slightly darker than her own.

"who are you?" Haku enquired, rising. He was a little taller than her.

She flinched at his words, like she had been jabbed. "don't you remember me, Taro-?"

"my name is Haku, not Taro," he stated.

Chihiro was still lost in confusion. Who could she be? A previous mate, perhaps? No. he had already told her that there had been no-one before her. But who is this woman?

"oh…" she bowed her head, disappointed. "I… I thought…"she hesitated.

"what? You thought what?" Haku asked, slightly sorry for this stranger.

"I thought you were… someone I once knew." Tears formed in her green eyes. "I'm sorry…" she turned like she was about to burst out in tears.

"wait!" he called, grabbing her petite wrist. He thought he had seen her before. "may I ask of your name?"

Chihiro remained quiet in the background. Maybe it _was_ a previous partner, one that he had forgotten.

"my name is Masami… and I apologise for disturbing y-"

"mother?" Haku gasped. Chihiro's eyes widened, she knew that name rang a bell. "i-is it really you?!" he stepped closer, examining her face intently.

"Taro!" she jumped into an embrace. "I knew it was you!"

if it wasn't Haku's mother, Chihiro would be incredibly envious. Actually, she was. Envious of Haku. He had a mother that loved him, one that would recognise him after all these years. Chihiro's doesn't remember her even now.

Haku, who was still shock, stood paralysed. His mother… was still alive. It was easier for him to believe she was dead, not hugging him in Chihiro's room.

"I thought you were dead." He allowed a few tears to fall, finally returning the hug.

"no. I wanted to make Katsu think I was dead. So I ran away leaving a suicide note," she gulped. "I came back a year later but I couldn't find my husband… or my little boy. But I guess you're not so little anymore, Taro." She looked up at him, crying with joy. "I stayed at home, searching for you but no-one had seen you since you were a child."

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how d'you like it? How many times does that happen, huh? well, I wouldn't know since I'm far too lazy to check... oh well!


	14. what decision?

Don't worry, this is not the full ending. Haku will have to make his decision first – you'll see!

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"all these years, mother… where have you been?" Haku asked, holding his mother tightly as if she would leave forever if he ever let go.

Chihiro watched quietly at this touching reunion. She was _really_ envying Haku now. Would she ever have that much motherly love?

"I've been right here, Taro. I've been home the whole time, don't you remember?" she stroked the hair her beloved once had. "remember, we lived here in the Human World when you were only a child. Did you not know that I am human… your father was the spirit… so tell me, are you a spirit as well?"

"yes. I am the spirit of the Kohaku River in the Spirit World." He then remembered that they were not the only ones in the room. Bravely, he let his mother out of his grip and stepped over to Chihiro. "mother, this is my loved one, Chihiro. She is also a human."

"hi," she said, trying to get up again.

"Chihiro, rest!" Haku commanded, getting frustrated. "you know you must preserve your energy!"

"ah, so you are the Chihiro I've heard so much about," Masami said.

The lovers stared at each other, confused. Masami giggled softly. "you're the talk of the entire building, Chihiro. What with your condition, _and_ having what some have described as a lunatic for a visitor."

Haku's lips pruned with frustration. Lunatic, huh! He thought. Chihiro held back her grins and looked back at his mother. She had that cheerful glow in her face never seemed to die down, one of those people that was really selfless. It was actually very heart-warming for Chihiro to think about.

"well, they should just mind their own business!" Haku snapped, surprising Chihiro. He sighed as he looked over her way. "I'm sorry. I'm just stressed."

"listen, Haku," Chihiro began. "go home and get some rest. I'll be okay for just one night."

"and what makes you think I need rest?"

"your temper is growing, you're getting a paler face than usual, dark circles…" she smiled wryly. "and I've seen you doze off every once in a while when you think I'm asleep."

Haku clenched his fists. (A/N: sorry, I've been watching Fruits Basket lately and I keep imagining Haku as Kyo!- who is really cute. Forgive my limited knowledge!) he hated admitting defeat, but she was right. He was shattered. "Chihiro, I don't want to leave you alone… you know that."

"she won't be," Masami interrupted. "I'll stay with her."

"oh, it's alright, really! I can stay by myself!"

"no you can't!" Haku/Taro insisted.

Chihiro pouted in his direction. "I am not a child Haku!" she shouted. "I can take care of myself!"

Masami could see where this was going. "Taro, listen to her! I am sure that Chihiro is mature enough to last one night without you."

Chihiro smiled at him victoriously. Haku was sending her death glares until he realised that he _was_ losing his temper. He finally exhaled, giving in to their arguments. He left after planting a small kiss on the lips of his dearest.

He found that Lin had already left, and he was glad. She was far too annoying to walk around with. He sauntered his way through the streets, thinking of his Chihiro. _No_, he told himself. _She doesn't belong to me. I'm not even sure if it's a solid commitment. But why do I still seem to claim her as my own? Is this the part of me that Katsu lived on? Is this the part of me I fear the most?_

He shook his head of all these thoughts. As he entered the bath house, he wouldn't speak to anyone. Any questions being asked he would not answer. It was strange in a way, Haku was never one to ignore his duties. But how could he concentrate on work with all that's happened to him in one day.

Everyone was pestering him with all these questions, updates and requests:

"Haku, we need more herbs!"

"when are the new yunas arriving? We need more staff!"

"the Radish Spirit got stuck in one of the small tubs and is demanding his money back!"

"STOP!" he shouted, turning to face them all.

He got everyone's attention. He began to set things straight: "everyone is to leave me alone for the night. We'll make do with the herbs we have for now, and I shall get more tomorrow. By then the new yunas will be here. And as for the Radish Spirit, give him his money." He turned to walk to his room.

"but Haku…!" called one of the frogs, but held his tongue as Haku's head turned to him, flaming with rage.

"do not call me Haku anymore," he growled. "in fact, don't call me at all." He stepped into the lift as the guests and workers watched in amazement.

He sighed as the lift carried him up to his room. Haku was sure Yubaba would have his head fro causing a scene back there but nothing really bothered him at the time. All he cared about now was sleeping and then returning to Chihiro.

Haku awoke realising he had overslept and was late to see Chihiro. He threw himself through the showers then flung his clothes on, staggering as he ran through the gates. No-one had bothered to pester him because of what happened the night before.

He arrived at the hospital and shoved his way to Chihiro's room. "Chihiro!" he called as he barged in.

"shh…" Masami said. "she's still asleep!" she whispered.

He sighed with relief that she was okay. He sat on the chair next to his mother. "I'm really worried about her. I don't want to lose Chihiro. She's my everything. If she leaves, I'll have nothing."

"Taro, you need to make a decision."

He stared at her for a while. "what kind of decision?"

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Yo, people! sorry it took a while... the system was being awkward again...


	15. grand finale

People, sorry if any of you don't like this stuff, but I decided that swearing would work with this coz of the anger.

To whoever it was that asked (sorry, can't remember your name and can't be bothered checking) no, I haven't watched… er… whatever film you said, but it sounds good, so I'll look for it on YouTube. (BTW, if you don't know who Brian Regan is, search his shows there too. Man, he's a legend!)

But great news, LAST CHAPTER!

Hang on, is that good or bad?

Oh well, at least you'll finally find out how old I am… damn, spoilt my fun.

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"what decision?"

Masami glanced at Chihiro. "maybe I should tell you when she awakens. So, what are your plans for her? You know, if she gets bette-"

"_when_. _When_ she gets better," he insisted.

"okay, _when_ she gets better, what are your plans?"

he smiled to himself. "well, first we're going to return to the Spirit World. There, I shall… hang on." He waved a hand in front of Chihiro's still pale face to make sure she really was asleep. "there I shall ask for her hand in marriage."

Masami swallowed. "w-why do you wish to move to the Spirit World? Why not stay here?"

Haku grimaced into space. "because," he began, coldly. "I hate the Human World. I hate the fact that Chihiro had to live here her whole life."

A few groans lingered in the background. Chihiro's eyes slowly fluttered open to see a mother and her son beside her. They both looked really serious which depressed Chihiro as she wasn't feeling well to start with. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and yawned timidly. She smiled at the two and turned to her beloved. "you better have had a good nights sleep," she warned.

"what was it you need to tell me?"

"huh?" Haku's abrupt question took her sleepy head a while to register. She shook her head and grinned, still a little puzzled. "good morning to you too…" she said, sarcastically.

"sorry. But what is it?"

Chihiro took a glimpse over at Masami as if asking her permission to speak. She sighed. "Haku… or Taro, even. Because of my condition… I… I need to stay here in the Human World for my treatment. But your mother is going to move to the Spirit World."

"that's what you have to decide," Masami stated. "to go back home, or stay here in the Human World with Chihiro."

Haku remained in the position he had been in as they started. He felt so numb. So numb that he wasn't sure if he was still breathing. He was paralysed. _How can I make that decision? How can I choose between the love of my life and my own mother? I love Chihiro, and I'd do anything for her, but I hate the Human World. I also love my mother, who has only just come back into my life?_

"er, Taro?" Chihiro asked. Now it was a little confusing as to what to call him but she decided he'd prefer his original name.

he finally looked up, his face seeping with anger. But it wasn't that it was directed at Chihiro or his mother, just that he was frustrated with life and they both understood. "how the fuck am I supposed to make a decision about that?!" he yelled, rising from his chair.

"Taro, mind your language!" Masami ordered, as if to a child.

He ignored his mother for the moment. "Chihiro, you _know_ I want us to stay together!"

"Taro, I am not a child!" she screamed. "I'm almost a fully grown adult and I don't need someone to hold my hand forever!"

"I know!" he stopped to consider a while. "I know. I'm sorry. My life's been just so fucked up recently-"

"Taro!"

"mother, I can say what I like, I'm eighteen years old," he said, trying to calm down.

Chihiro sighed. "Taro, you can go with your mother, I really don't mind."

"but I do," he stated, firmly.

"Taro, you need time with your mom. I'll be right here when you return."

"I'm not about to take that risk." It pained him to say it but he knew it had to come out. "Chihiro, if you… if I lost you while I'm away I… I'd never be able to forgive myself."

Chihiro stopped a moment. "Taro, what's the _real_ reason you're so protective?"

_She's cracked it_, he thought._ She knows I wasn't telling the full truth last time. How did she know?_ For a minute, he stayed silent. Looking to his feet, Taro took a deep breath and slumped to his seat with his head in his hands. The two women gasped, realising that he had broken down in tears.

"Taro?" they said in unison.

"father," he sobbed, thinking of him and speaking as if he were there. "I didn't mean to lie to you. I didn't want you to worry about me, so I lied to you… I didn't realise it was the wrong thing to say, but I'm apologizing to you now.

"I always wanted you to think I was strong, but the truth is, I'm not. I'm a coward. Nothing but a coward. I tried to be what you wanted, but I failed. I tried to be brave but I wasn't. I'm sorry… I'm sorry that the last thing I said to you was nothing but a lie… I'm sorry I said I could take care of myself… because I can't…" he silently cried as Chihiro and Masami marvelled at his words.

"Taro," Chihiro said, tears filling up for him. "I… I didn't realise that…" she stopped as she was lost for what to say.

"no. there's no way anyone could have known." Masami said. She wrapped her arms around her son for comfort.

"listen, I know that you and I both love each other, Taro." Chihiro attempted to sit up without him noticing and pushing her back. "but you really do need time for your mother. After all these years, you have a lot to catch up on. So… go with her to the Spirit World… I promise I'll be here when you come back. I promise I'll wait."

He looked up. "but what if-"

"_if_ I die, at least you will know my love for you. At least I will die knowing that I am loved equally as much. I'm not afraid of death, Taro. I was afraid I wouldn't see you again…" her eyes welled up a lot more than before as she struggled to keep from bursting out. "so just go!" she ended, making it clear that she was not about to change her mind.

Taro stared, not quite sure what he should say or do next. He glanced at his mother, hoping she would tell him what to do for once, then back to his dearest. "I can't."

Masami lay a hand on his shoulder. "honey, you have to learn not to be so stubborn."

"Taro, I said I'll be here when you return. You have to trust me." She reached to hold his hand in hers. "please… trust me."

He swallowed as his tears ceased. "I… I trust you." He wasn't happy about it but it was what Chihiro wanted, so he could live with her decisions.

She smiled. "thank you."

There came a knock from the door, which did not wait for an answer and just entered. Chihiro's doctor stood at the door with a clipboard in his arms. "may I have a word…?" he looked over at the mother and son. "in private," He concluded.

Taro looked at Chihiro in determination but she shook her head. "just go home." Taro reluctantly obeyed and left with his mother.

As they walked out of the hospital, Taro couldn't help but think what did that doctor want? And why did he want to speak with Chihiro in private? Was it good or bad news? Would she… die? He forced all thoughts of the matter out of his head, just hoping that she'd be okay.

They arrived at the bath house. Almost everyone gathered to meet Masami, excited because there had been rumours going around about him and his parents. He managed to sneak away to the boiler room, where he knew Zeniba and Kamajii would want to know all about what happened.

He pushed the door open in a depressed manner, with his upper body hanging. Kamajii sprang his head up from the herbs and fired his questions: "how is Sen? Is she alright? Where is she now?..." etc, etc.

Taro waved his hand, indicating that he should stop before his temper kicks in. "Chihiro is… fine for the moment. She'll be staying in the Human World until her condition improves-"

"condition? Haku-"

"don't call me Haku," he said grimly. "my name is Taro."

"huh?" said a confused Kamajii. "I can see I missed a lot in your absence, Ha… Taro. What exactly is Sen's condition?"

he swallowed, finding it hard to say. "she… she has leukaemia. It's a human disease. Cancer of the blood…"

"oh dear! Will she be okay?"

Taro flinched slightly. "I don't know. No-one can determine that. She could die at anytime."

"no," he breathed. "not Sen-"

"her name is Chihiro!" Taro shouted. "why can't any of you remember her by her real name and not the one Yubaba gave her?!"

"well, I'm sorry, Taro but I only knew her as Sen!" Kamajii retorted. "Taro, you will have to learn to control that temper of yours."

Taro said nothing more and left without a second thought on the matter. _Control my temper my butt!_ He dragged himself to his quarters and slept. His mother had already made herself comfortable with al the other yunas, having all these womanly conversations. Taro was acting the same for the rest of the weak, moping in self-pity.

Life was just toying with him. _What am I thinking? Self-pity? The world is not against me… I found my mother, after all. It should be Chihiro having these thoughts. But she never takes time to think of her own needs. She hides her feelings on what she wants, so it's hard to tell. _

_Oh shit_, he thought, realising what he should have the week before. _She wanted me to _stay_! I'm such an idiot for not realising it earlier!_

He shoved past all in his way, shooting to the Human World. Once again he barged through the hospital doors and streamed through to Chihiro's room.

He flung the door open… to find bed covers neatly in place, pillows fluffed for someone to sleep on next and no-one's belongings. "are you the lunatic that kept pushing everyone aside to find that girl… Chihiro?"

He looked to his side to see a doctor that didn't seem much older than he was. "yes. did she get a room transfer? Where is she? Do you know?"

"well, she didn't get a room transfer, and I don't know where she is."

His heart dropped thinking of his next question. "is she… gone?"

"oh!" he said in surprise. "dear God, no! well, at least I hope that's doesn't mean what I think it means. She left just a few days ago, said it was urgent that she got out of here." He was about to walk off when Taro grabbed his arm.

"do you know if there's anywhere I can check to find her?"

"I'm sorry, but that information is classified-"

Taro grabbed the doctor and held him so close with anger, their noses almost touched. He was now fuming, breathing heavily and… what was he doing?_ Kamajii was right._ He thought, dropping the doctor who coward away.

As his heart seemed to bleed, he whispered to himself: "but… how could she leave? she promised!"

He fell to the ground crying. "she promised…"

The end…

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aww! Poor Haku/Taro! If you want to find out why Chihiro left and if Taro ever sees her again, keep an eye out for my next story…

anyways, you were all so close! Well most of you anyway… I am in fact, 13.

Thank you to all of my wonderful readers and reviewers! (sniffles) don't worry Taro, at least I still love you!!

- Dr34mer


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